I seem to be having an issue with writing a new post for my blog lately. I’ve been feeling a little bit ambivalent regarding everything and I am not quite sure why. Actually, I think I do know why. It’s a stupid little pattern of apathy that I have been fighting since I was in my teens. So what made me write now? Well, I was walking the dogs a few moments ago and it’s quite dark. As I crossed the street and walked over the railroad tracks to the strip of turf where the dogs do their business, a car drove up to the nearest intersection. Stopping, it then turned right and just after it passed me, one of the riders yelled, “faggot.” Actually, it was more like a squeal–a gritted mouth shriek that sounded like someone who was trying to talk and force a bowel movement at the same time.
It was really a cry–a desperate kind of “I had to yell a gay slur at you or it was gonna kill me, cause gay guys scare me cause the thought of gay sex sort of excites me and that scares me” kind of cry. And he waited until he was past me and then yelled it out, like an after thought or as if he had to wait so I couldn’t see his face. Or maybe he was afraid I’d yell something back at him like, “Stop and let me do you, you hot straight guy” because we all know that gay men want to do straight men, especially when they yell homophobic slurs at them while they are walking their dogs late in the evening… Continue reading